Adoption April : All About My Birth Parents
April 27, 2009
This is the fourth post in my “Adoption April” series. The Intro, first, second, and third posts can be found at those links if you wanted to read more before jumping into this one. This one is going to touch on all the facts that I know about my birth parents and how I feel about them, and if I want to meet them and why. Also it will discuss why I was a ‘surprise’ as stated before when I explained why I was adopted.
I know my birth mom’s name is Wendee Sue and her last name at the time of my birth was Anderson. She wasn’t married and I don’t know her exact age at the time of my birth. She had brown hair like mine and was very skinny. I know she was very skinny because she walked out of the hospital, after having me, wearing a size 7 pant. The reason she was so skinny is because she didn’t even know she was pregnant with me. She went into the hospital with ‘stomach pains’ and they told her she was having contractions and she was going to have a baby.
Talk about shocking huh. So the way I was born is a little bit different than a more traditional way, but that is also I think a huge part of why I was adopted. I think it’s kind of cool that I was a surprise but I’m sure Wendee wasn’t too into it.
My birth dad’s name is Michael and his last name is either Martin or Martinez, so they think. There isn’t much information on either of them that my parents collected from them but I am glad that I know their names. I also know their birthdays and I know that Wendee was born in the Midwest.
People always ask me if I want to meet them both or my birth mom. I do! I would love to meet her, and I just haven’t actively pursued it that much, you know life can be kind of busy! I am considering looking more into a private investigator and see what my options are. I know that is expensive though, so that would also take some time. Finding people isn’t the easiest thing in the world. I would completely understand if she or he didn’t want to meet me though, but I feel that it would be important at this time to get a family medical history report since so many diseases are genetic. I would hope that they would understand that and would be able to give me the family medical report. With that alone I think I would be happy as well.
I know I would be okay if they didn’t want to meet me, because I still think about their situation. Sometimes I wonder what she looks like, and what he looks like, even if they are still together or still talk. I also wonder if I would have any other siblings through either of them. Isn’t that weird to think about? I think that it would be cool to meet them, and see what their lives are like. I don’t want anything from either of them at all, and if they weren’t comfortable with meeting/talking/communication, I wouldn’t force it upon them either. I couldn’t even imagine the shock that they both must have had when I decided to enter the world.
As of right now, I have no idea where they are, what their lives are like, what they look like, or anything of that matter, but it does interest me. Also if I were to communicate with them, I would understand both of their apprehension if there was some. What would you do if your daughter that you hadn’t seen or heard from or about in 23 years all of a sudden reached out to you? It would blow my mind. I think there has to be a level of curiousness of both my and her mind though. Is that curiousness enough to pursue communication? I don’t know. Time will only tell.
I also realize that they will never replace my parents, and I would never even think that that would happen. I feel that if I was seeking them out because I felt abandoned or like I didn’t fit in with my family, or like I was unwanted, it would be a different issue, because then I realize that my feelings would be hurt if they didn’t want to have anything to do with me. I am interested to see what you guys think about this. I’m sure there are going to be some interesting comments. 
If you have any emails for the next and sadly last, Adoption April (whoops it will be May) Question and Answer post please feel free to email me at (danicakoo) (at) (gmail) (dot) (com).
Here’s a funny picture of me and my brother. Funny thing, someone asked me if I was HIS MOM THIS WEEKEND.
Sorry that one is so bad quality. Me and the T. (who also just found out about my blog this weekend and did some reading on it… his quote, “Don’t use my name, I don’t want it to make it any easier for the government to track me.”)
As for the 20 miler. I did it this weekend. I still can’t believe I actually did it. Claude was along for the ride as well, and stuck with it. I have some funny pictures from the run, but maybe I’ll post them on Saturday but tomorrow will be the complete recap. Some very interesting things happened on the run and I can’t wait to share with you guys. I know, you’re all on the edge of your seat in anticipation.
xoxo
Adoption April : My thoughts on Adoption
April 20, 2009
So I’m back! Back at work, and after an eventful weekend that included Kayvmania (pictures and explanation to come) I’m excited to get back to blogging, reading and running! But most importantly, it’s still Adoption April! This is the third post in my “Adoption April” series. The Intro, First Post and Second Post can all be found at those links. Today I wanted to post about my thoughts about adoption and why I think it worked well for my family and me.
I know many of you have children of your own, or are at the stage in your life that you are having children or considering this for your family. Personally, I have never thought of myself actually having kids. I don’t know why I think like this, but I think possibly that it has to do with the fact that my mom didn’t ‘have me’ so I can’t imagine myself being pregnant or actually having a child. I still haven’t made a complete decision on whether or not I want to physically have children but I think that also will depend on when and who I marry and all that sort of thing. Go ahead, comment with what ever you think, but remember everyone is different.
I do think that adoption is such a powerful thing, and honestly, I will consider it when I am ready to have children. I think a lot of people think that adoption is only adopting drug babies, problem babies, or children that have gone through foster care, which isn’t true. I was a completely healthy, albeit small, baby and was adopted into a loving home. My birth mom never contacted my parents to ask for me back, there were never any issues with her or my birth family. I know that could have been a possibility, but it hasn’t happened yet…
BABY DANICA!!!!
When I was growing up, most people honestly couldn’t believe I was adopted. I looked like my family and had the same attitude and mannerisms as my mother. Now, I am JUST. LIKE. MY. MOM. It was never a ‘weird’ thing to talk about with my friends either. Surprisingly enough, one of my best friends and now roommate is also adopted. We sometimes talk about it, and our feelings, but like me, she has known her entire life that she was adopted. She also harbors no bad feelings towards either sets of her parents. It’s a fun bond that we share together and it’s also nice to talk about our adoptions together.
I never, ever felt different than other kids. I never felt like I had a different relationship with my parents or different family setting. I think the openness that my parents had helped this, and I also never felt unwanted, or uncommitted too. I never felt abandoned or like my birth parents didn’t love me or want me and that’s why they ‘gave me up’. They were mature enough to realize that they couldn’t provide the best life for me and wanted to give me a chance at a better life. That is why they gave me up for adoption.
The best part about adoption is that I was openly welcomed into a family that I wasn’t biologically part of. I NEVER felt unaccepted, or questioned if I was suppose to be there. Granted, I grew up with my family, grandparents and cousins that all loved me unconditionally and I think that always made me feel welcome and loved. I was a part of my family unconditionally. I think that has made the biggest difference for me.
I wasn’t born into a family, I don’t know my exact heritage, or who gave birth to me, but at the same time that doesn’t make me less of a person, or question why I’m here or what I’m doing without my original family. I have always thought of my adoptive family as my one and only family. I would like to meet my birth parents one day but I honestly don’t have the money to hire a private investigator and everything at the moment so I know it will come with time, but I am looking more into it. I understand that they might not even want to be in communication with me at the same time. I feel that the only important thing that I would need to possibly get from them is my families medical history for any genetic diseases that I might be exposed too. If they would like to communicate than that’s also great. I will discuss more about them in my next post which is suppose to be all about them and my feelings and what I do know about them.
Sweet outfit!
Please feel free to email any questions you may have for the last post of adoption April to (danica) (koo) @ (gmail) (dot) (com).
So a quick running update, bullet point style
- I was in a huge running rut
- I took over a week and a half off, only running twice and running two shorter runs
- I don’t know how anyone can run in Hawaii, it’s WAY too hot and the Humidity… killer!
- My toenail finally came off… BOO!
- BUT! underneath there was a new toenail! Yay! I don’t look like a freak!
- I got back to running this weekend and realized that I’m out of shape so I am going to work really hard to get back into shape and nail the San Diego Marathon that is also only 41 short days away!
This week I’m going to work on getting my endurance back (shouldn’t be too hard) and then I have a long run planned this weekend that will get me back nose to the grindstone.
As for the Hawaii post? I’ve decided to separate them up into two posts, one probably tomorrow and one on Friday It was amazing and wonderful and now I have a sweet tan. We did lots of cool stuff and I took a ton of pictures so I’ll share some with you, don’t worry. I also have some good reviews coming up, including a review of the Garmin. Hope everyone had a wonderful week without me.
xoxo
Adoption April : Growing up Adopted
April 13, 2009
This is the second of the Adoption series that I wanted to post on. You can read the intro of the series here: Adoption April, and last week’s first entry here: Adoption April : Why I Was Adopted. Today’s post is all about how I grew up being adopted. From what my parents told me from the beginning and how we as a family treated adoption.
I think that how my family addressed my adoption is what made my adoption special and made it work as a family as well. If I adopt, as my parents did, I could never imagine keeping a secret like that from my child, and being adopted, I don’t think that that would have been a good idea. I think if my parents told me “when I was old enough to truly understand”, or at some milestone birthday it would have had a different effect on me. I also am glad it wasn’t a secret because then I feel like I could have resented the process or being adopted. Since I knew from day one, I have never thought about resenting adoption or my birth parents or parents.
My parents thought that me knowing I was adopted was an important part in my life. I am really thankful that my parents told me and I have never once questioned or been mad at my birth mom for ‘giving me up’. I have always been told that my birth mom knew that she couldn’t give me the ‘best life’ and the most opportunity, so she decided that adoption was a better option for her at the time, instead of keeping me. I totally agree with her decision and see her reasoning. If I was to get pregnant right now, I would honestly consider the same options. I don’t think that “giving me up” is a good way to look at being adopted and why should you be angry about someone giving you a better chance at a life? I don’t think adoption is because someone didn’t ‘want you’, it’s because they were wise and unselfish enough to let you go.
Many people have different ideas about adoption and I know some people are totally against it, don’t understand it, and whatever your thoughts may be, the way that I was raised worked the best for my situation and made me understand and realize what a great thing adoption is and how great it can be for any family.
Around our house there were books that explained adoption in ‘kid terms’. My parents would read me these books if I chose and I think this is what helped me understand at a very small age. These books might had had me come up with questions, and the questions were always answered to the best of my parents abilities and their knowledge. It was very open topic to talk about. They were always also willing to talk to me about it at any time. I feel like this really allowed me to understand that it was a good thing and it’s not that my birth parents didn’t want me, but that they chose to give me a ‘better life’ because they couldn’t offer me that. Nothing was ‘my fault’ about my adoption, and I wasn’t adopted because my birth parents didn’t want me.
I think that is a great way to view adoption, and I think my adoption also was very easy to deal with because my parents never tried to hide anything from me. Another thing that was important to our family was that we always celebrated my brother’s and my “Adoption Day.” It was celebrated on the day that we were legally adopted into the family. Back when we were in school both my parents would take off from work, and we would do whatever the Adoption Day person wanted to do. We would eat whatever they wanted to eat, go do fun things, like Disneyland, Knotts Berry Farm, Beach, Mini Golf, Bowling, surfing (My brother is a hardcore surfer). I even remember making my entire family wear purple because it was my favorite color that day. Strange, but true! It was a day dedicated to the adopted person.
A lot of great memories were made on these days, and it was almost like a 2nd birthday because we would get cards and small gifts. I think it was also important to celebrate the day because it brought recognition to the fact that we were adopted, and my parents were so happy to have me and my brother that they celebrated it. Looking back, that is why my Adoption Day (January 23) is always so special to me. It was the day I officially became a part of my family and it was to be celebrated!
I think by growing up in a home where adoption was accepted and that I always knew I was adopted really helped me understand the concept. I also think that having really open parents who were willing to talk about the process and who explained to me that adoption wasn’t because I was ‘unwanted’ but because God wanted me elsewhere was also very important. My entire family and all my friends always knew that I was adopted, which I also think was a wise decision. I’m glad my parents didn’t tell me when I turned 16, or 10 or something like that, and it was always just a known fact for as long as I can remember.
I think it was because of my ‘open’ adoption that I don’t have any resentment towards my parents about adopting me, or my birth parents about giving me up for adoption. I could see how people could harbor these feelings if it was sprung on them that they were adopted.
Here’s a picture of me and my little brother when we were little! Can you tell that we aren’t related.
Those BANGS!!! A family picture from a long time ago.
Next week Monday I’m excited to share my personal thoughts on Adoption and how I feel that adoption has affected me and how I deal with some of the questions that I do get on occasion. Remember, the last post of Adoption April will be an open Q&A, so feel free to email me with ANY question. Seriously, I don’t mind at all. Email me (danicakoo) (@) (gmail) (dot) (com)
xoxo
Adoption April : Why I was adopted
April 6, 2009
So this is the beginning of the Adoption April series that I decided to do. If you didn’t see my post about it and the topics I’ll be covering about my personal adoption, check it out here. The first topic I wanted to touch on was the reason why I was adopted in the first place. A little back story on my family is necessary since I will be talking about them these next few Mondays.
My mom passed away after a four-year battle with breast cancer on April 6, 2006. Oddly enough that is today, the beginning of “Adoption April”. I know my mom would have loved the fact that I’m sharing my story with so many people. I have a 20-year old brother whom I will refer to as “T”. My father and I currently have a very strained relationship, but before my mom passed things were fine. My family used to be the “perfect” nuclear family, according to many standards. My parents were always happy, and we were more than blessed in the community where I grew up. I grew up in a Christian home and went through a Christian K-12 school system. So that’s a little background of the fam, now onto why I was adopted.
First and most obvious, my parents couldn’t have children. I have been told that not having children of her ‘own’ was one of my mom’s biggest ‘regrets’ in her short life. My parents tried a lot of different ways of getting pregnant but my mom’s body wouldn’t allow her to produce a child, and she had to have a complete hysterectomy in her twenties. They began to look into other options.
I think this is why whenever I stumble onto a blog about a woman trying to get pregnant I feel a twinge of pain in my heart. Sometimes I think maybe this is how my own mom felt while struggling with the fact that she could not get pregnant. I couldn’t imagine when everyone else around you is having children, and you want to have one so badly, how much your heart must ache. It would be miserable, and I feel like I can understand the pain some might be dealing with because I remember my mom telling me about the pain it caused her. I can’t imagine wanting something so bad and knowing it won’t happen for you like you planned. My mom told me sometimes she felt like she failed but I knew she hadn’t. I knew that the struggle she endured only made her a stronger person.
When they realized my mom couldn’t get pregnant, my parents then decided to explore adoption. The fees associated with adoption are costly, and I am glad my parents could afford it at the time. One of the first steps in their adoption process was to create books. Prospective parents created these photo books to ‘show/share’ with birth mothers that you are legitimate people. The books also described their hobbies, the church they were involved with and had pictures of them and their dogs. It is a glimpse into the prospective parents lives. I have seen these books and they are fun to look through. I couldn’t imagine being pregnant and looking through the books and wondering “if my baby would fit in” with this family, but it gives you a sense to the family, their beliefs, their story, and their extended family.
My parents were on the waiting list for a baby for quite some time. They prayed about getting a child. They hoped. They waited. They had no idea when and if they would ever get a child to adopt.
My mom was shopping at Costco when my aunt called her. The adoption agency had called my aunt to tell her that they had a baby waiting for my mom at the hospital. That baby was me. My mom was shocked. There was no talk of her and my dad getting a baby anytime soon. They didn’t have any names picked out. They were not prepared for me, but they were still so excited to have me.
After my mom passed away, my grandpa let me listen to the the voicemail she left for him, and it will forever be etched in my memory. Since then somehow it was eaten on the machine, but I will never, ever forget her voice on that message. The love that oozed from her tone, the excitement, the nervousness. It was all there, and it was all about me, being able to go home with her and my dad, and the beginning of a family.
I was born close to where I grew up and was incredibly small when I was born so they had to make sure that I was healthy and okay to go home. I will get into why it was a surprise when I talk all about my birth parents in an upcoming post but my parents were surprised but so happy that they finally had a baby.
Adoption allowed them to have the joy of having a child, even if I came to them in a non-traditional way. My parents’ prayers had been answered and they were surprised and shocked all at the same time. Now they had a baby to take care of . In the whirlwind of events that had taken place, their lives had completely changed. Though I was originally named Baby Girl Anderson, my parents quickly picked out my name from a list they had compiled for the past years while trying to have a child. I have two birth certificates, and one literally says my first name is Baby and my Middle name is Girl and my last name is Anderson.
My parents took me home from the hospital and I lived with them for a year and a half before being officially adopted on January 23, 1987. In order to make everything official you have to go down to an LA courthouse and sign paperwork and take vows in front of a judge. Obviously I was too little to remember my own adoption, but I do remember my brother’s adoption and traveling to the courthouse.
After the papers were signed I legally was my parents ‘child’. Though my adoption day made it ‘legal’, I consider myself to be my parents child from the day I entered their life and we became a family back on the day I was born at the hospital.
Next Monday I am excited to talk about how I was raised and how adoption was an integral part in my life. What my parents did and how we address my adoption was important to me and I’m excited to share it with you guys. The last adoption post will be about Q&A that anyone has, so if you have any questions, feel free to email me @ (danicakoo) @ (gmail) (dot) (com)
xoxo
PS Tomorrow I will post my race report from the weekend!
Take me out to the ball game…
April 3, 2009
It’s my favorite time of year, it’s time…… FOR BASEBALL!!!!
So I’m a huge Anaheim Angel’s Fan, forget the Anaheim Angels of Los Angles per Orange County or whatever stupid title they officially are, and yes I loathe the Dodgers. Mr. R loves the Giants, booooo!!! but will go with me to games because what else is he going to do, deny free baseball game tickets?? He’s becoming an Angel lover, slowly… we are working on it Anyways, games are starting this weekend. I am so excited. For today’s photo Friday (per the wonderful nike mom!!) I wanted to post some pictures at the games that I went to last year. I love going to the games, they are spectacular and always super fun.
She is in Europe playing professional volleyball right now, but she is coming home soon! 
If you haven’t already, remember to enter my giveaway for $100 to onlineshoes.com! You don’t want to miss out on that one. You have until Wednesday at midnight PST.
Also, ADOPTION APRIL STARTS ON MONDAY!!! Here’s the post that explains what each Monday will entail and look for the post on Monday to talk about why I was adopted in the first place.
Hope everyone has a great weekend. I’m looking forward to running to my 10k, running the 10k, and then running back home for my long run this weekend. I’m not giving myself any goals because I don’t want to get upset with myself. (me, uber competitive? noooo!) Plus it’s for a long run, not a time goal! I’ll still write a race report/long run recap on Tuesday of next week. In one week I’ll be flying to Hawaii! Relaxation, here I come.
xoxo
Adoption April!
March 22, 2009
So after so many great comments about learning more about my adoption and my complete willingness to share my story I’ve decided that I will take one day a week in the month of April to talk about my adoption. I’m going to call it Adoption April, and if you don’t care about learning more about adoption or hearing my story and how I was adopted then you can just skip right over these posts! It will take place every Monday in April and I will also be adding in anything else that I wanted to cover in my normal posts as well. This is what I wanted to talk about:
1. Why I was adopted – this is when I will talk about why I was put up for adoption and how the process worked for my parents at the time.
2. Growing up adopted - this is when I will discuss how I felt growing up adopted and how my parents handled me being adopted and any questions I may have had and may still have regarding my adoption
3. My thoughts on adoption - this is where I will talk about how I think adoption shaped me as a person and how I think many people can benefit from adoption. I will also voice what I think about secrecy and how some people have reacted to me being adopted.
4. All about my Birth Parents - this is when I will talk about the few things I know about my birth parents, including if I want to meet them or not, why I do or don’t and what I feel about them.
5. Q&A on Adoption - this is where any of you can ask any question you want about adoption. I have always been open to discussing anything that anyone wants to know and I would love to raise adoption awareness by allowing anyone to ask anything! Seriously if you guys have any questions feel free to email (danicakoo@gmail.com) me and I will address them on this day, or if you just want me to write you back personally let me know.
Can’t wait to share more of my story with you guys.
xoxo
